“Who’s on first, what’s on second, and I don’t know’s on third”

The New York Times has published the transcripts of Georgia’s “evidence” that Russia started the war.  You can even get your own .pdf version to share with your friends!  As for the whether this transcript amounts to any evidence at all, I leave that to you.

What these recordings say to me is that this so-called “Russian invasion” was a sorry example for one that was supposedly planned for months. Having a South Ossetian officer say “Who do you want me to shoot? It’s impossible to go outside. I’m standing in the toilet on one leg” during fighting only to get ” Well then fart them out of there. O.K., talk to you later.” in response should go down in the annals of wartime’s greatest outtakes. Clearly, the Ossetians had no clue who was where, what they were doing, and when they were supposed to do it.  Much of it is pure comedy.  Almost like Abbott and Costello’s famous “Who’s on First?” bit.

I have two favorite moments.  The first is between the Military Observer and Peacekeeper from Aug. 8, 2008, 03:02.10.

PK: (Aside) Hook up your radios or else we’re all going to be [expletive deleted].
MO: What did you turn on?
PK: No, I’m not talking to you. (Aside): Yes, otherwise we’ll be [expletive deleted]…
MO: Hey, listen, I’m asking, how are you?
PK: Well, [expletive deleted], [expletive deleted]. But we’ll come up with something.

I don’t know why the NY Times doesn’t think we’re old enough to read expletives.  I guess we can play Mad Libs.

I also like this one I alluded to above between an Ossetian Border Guard and a South Ossetian Official from Aug. 8, 2008, 03:12.32:

OBG: Who am I?
SOO: Ahh, Edik.
OBG: Yeah?
SOO: Well, what’s going on? Has anyone finally gotten down there?
OBG: Gotten down where?
SOO: Has anyone gotten down there to our side with equipment?
OBG: Yes, yes, don’t speak about this over the phone?
SOO: Is anything moving? Is the armor there?
OBG: Yes, yes, yes, everything is there?
SOO: How long is it going to take them? What? Are they going to arrive when the city is
already [expletive deleted] destroyed?
OBG: Don’t be afraid. Keep firing.
SOO: Who do you want me to shoot? It’s impossible to go outside. I’m standing in the
toilet on one leg.
OBG: (Laughing) Well then fart them out of there. (Phone rings) O.K., talk to you later.
SOO: You call us for God’s sake.
OBG: They’ve left already.
SOO: And?
OBG: They are heading there.
SOO: Many of them?
OBG: Yes.

I’m assuming that the crux of Georgia’s evidence is this conversation between a border guard at headquarters in Tskhinvali, and the duty officer at the Roki Tunnel, intercepted Aug. 7, 2008, 03:52.13:

DUTY OFFICER: I’m listening?
DO: What?
BG: Did you just call?
DO: Yes.
BG: What is your surname?
DO: Gassiev
BG: Gassiev.
DO: Yes?
BG: Listen, has the armor arrived or what?
DO: The armor and people.
BG: They’ve gone through?
DO: Yes, 20 minutes ago; when I called you, they had already arrived.
BG: Was there a lot of armor?
DO: Yes. Tanks, BMPs and BDR(m)s. Everything.
BG: And that guy who came up to you, who was that?
DO: When? [INAUDIBLE] The surname is Kazachenko. He’s a colonel.
BG: What?
DO: Kazachenko is his surname. He’s a colonel.
BG: Good, good. O.K. Call the 103rd; he’s saying something different. I mean the 102nd.
You are saying one thing, and he is telling us something else. Call the 102nd and tell him.
DO: He just called me, and I told him everything.
BG: Well, call him anyway, and after that have him call me.
DO: O.K., understood.
BG: Bye.

Is this all the Georgians have?  This is their smoking gun?  This evidence is hardly an endorsement for the Columbia Law program.